Pessimistic Walrus

It was my classes graduation last weekend. I didn't graduate. I'll repeat my last year of high school because due to my health I was out of school since November. I'm grateful to be given this opportunity, considering that I attend boarding school and that we rely on scholarships provided by private donors and foundations. I'm lucky that I was able to attend closing weekend and the graduation ceremony, but this will never be able to make up for everything I missed during the 6 months that I wasn't there. Standing in the mensa line, talking to people. Eating together, cleaning together, being in class together and doing homework together. Studying and cursing the IB. Laughing. Going to the mall and having ice cream. Christmas dinner and winter ball. Spring day, special focus days, school trips. Birthdays, other celebrations and late night talks. I wasn't there when my friends needed me. I wasn't there to be a shoulder to cry on, to bring them food when they ...

Heya, I'm back after a long period of silence. In the meantime, I went back to my old GP (the one that said she had done everything) because I had another episode of neurological symptoms around Easter. This lead to a huge fight with my family, because there was this endless discussion of going to hospital yes or no. Eventually I ended up in the ER in a hospital that was 45 min away from where I live. It was rather traumatizing, let me just say: unfriendly doctors/staff, being treated as if I was faking everything and being discharged with the recommendation to see a psychologist because of "academic stress". Lol I was out of school for 5 months at that point. At least I had nice roommates and a few days away from my family. Then, later in April, I had an appointment with a specialist neurology clinic who basically did nothing than talk to me and tell me "well you for sure have something but we have no idea what" and sent me home. I was supposed to go back the...