Pessimistic Walrus

It was my classes graduation last weekend. I didn't graduate. I'll repeat my last year of high school because due to my health I was out of school since November. I'm grateful to be given this opportunity, considering that I attend boarding school and that we rely on scholarships provided by private donors and foundations. I'm lucky that I was able to attend closing weekend and the graduation ceremony, but this will never be able to make up for everything I missed during the 6 months that I wasn't there. Standing in the mensa line, talking to people. Eating together, cleaning together, being in class together and doing homework together. Studying and cursing the IB. Laughing. Going to the mall and having ice cream. Christmas dinner and winter ball. Spring day, special focus days, school trips. Birthdays, other celebrations and late night talks. I wasn't there when my friends needed me. I wasn't there to be a shoulder to cry on, to bring them food when they ...

Heya, I'm back after a long period of silence. In the meantime, I went back to my old GP (the one that said she had done everything) because I had another episode of neurological symptoms around Easter. This lead to a huge fight with my family, because there was this endless discussion of going to hospital yes or no. Eventually I ended up in the ER in a hospital that was 45 min away from where I live. It was rather traumatizing, let me just say: unfriendly doctors/staff, being treated as if I was faking everything and being discharged with the recommendation to see a psychologist because of "academic stress". Lol I was out of school for 5 months at that point. At least I had nice roommates and a few days away from my family. Then, later in April, I had an appointment with a specialist neurology clinic who basically did nothing than talk to me and tell me "well you for sure have something but we have no idea what" and sent me home. I was supposed to go back the...

Hello people, it's been more than a month now that I posted on here...I guess my health and general life didn't leave much time for this blog lately. In case you don't follow my Instagram (@pessimisticwalrus), you probably didn't get the latest news about my health so here's an update :) Okay so after my GP tried to tell me that she had done "everything" and that I was somehow imagining most of my symptoms, I was furious and tried to find a new GP, my family wasn't very supportive in the beginning and at the same time I just wanted to go back to school, so there was some fighting and doing nothing. Then, we finally found someone else after I almost fainted many times due to blood pressure fluctuations and a high heart rate. This someone was a dude in his 50s, very arrogant, always grinning and with the attitude of "young people can't truly be sick". After telling him about my blood pressure problems, a persistent fever and thyroid issu...

Hello people, I hope you are alright and had a decent day. If you didn't and/or don't feel good right now, I hope you'll feel better soon. Many people with a chronic illness are used to lots of symptoms that would terrify those who don't have a chronic illness, but sometimes even we get terrified by our symptoms, maybe they got worse or we are experiencing something new. Since I'm going through a set of new symptoms and got really scared for a bit, I thought I'd share some advice on how to cope during such times-whether you have a chronic illness or not. 1) Don't use these online symptom checkers-because they'll always tell you something bad, even if you just have a cold. If you do use them, then please be aware that you shouldn't take the results too seriously. 2) Talk. Talk to your family, the person you love, your cat/dog/other pet. Because keeping it all to yourself won't help your worries. 3) If you feel like you can't talk (don...

I heard this sentence too many times. Hearing it one time is one time too many already. I think I've been told this by doctors at least 3 times. If I remember correctly, the first time when I was 11 years old. ELEVEN. Let that sink in. I had been admitted to hospital because I didn't tolerate physical activity very well, I kept fainting during PE class or after climbing too many stairs at school (didn't have to at home as we lived on the ground floor). I was constantly out of breath, I had fevers on and off, my blood pressure was pretty low and I felt like absolute crap. The hospital made me stay for a week, running a few different tests only for a young doctor fresh from university to tell me "maybe it's all in your head". My mom later told me I looked at the doctor as if I wanted to kill her. Well, my symptoms continued for some more time until my mother decided to get me seen by a lung specialist and tadaaaa, turns out I have asthma (and a nasty infection a...

Hello people! Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not really a walrus. That's just another nickname friends decided to give me. My life is not very interesting, I don't travel the world or cook amazing food or whatever else people usually blog about. I'm just living my life, trying to get a decent education, hoping to accomplish my dreams and battling multiple things along the way. Have fun following my journey and my mediocre day to day life! The Walrus